Ruthless feeling

Ruthless feeling

Sharare Peacock (source: Hajar Fiuzi)

This text in memory of Sharare Peacock was provided to the Persian Bridge of Friendship blog by her mother, Hajar Fiuzi.

My dear and gentle Sharare! 

I am standing in front of her portrait created by artist Mujgan, who masterfully painted her sweet figure and hopeful eyes. Every moment I lose my balance and my wits…

I think: how I live in the days when I am so far away from you! Everything can be experienced, but without you I cannot. 

Unconsciously I talk to myself: why did you leave, is it right? And you seem to answer me: what can be done, such is fate.

My child, do you know what fate has done to me? After a few centuries, my insignificance began to sympathize with Hafez, who had composed such beautiful verses, crying for his son, verses – the fruit of his heart…

Indeed, ironically, fate had tricked me too!

My dear Sharare was the meaning of my life, my love. She burned, silently!  As Saadi writes in his poems about the butterfly’s love for light….the candle’s light…Burns, but makes no sound!

You were clever and prudent. The Bible notes, “In much wisdom is much sorrow.” With you I was happy, without you I am bitter! My life is black!

Saadi says: He went in with my mother’s milk and came out with my soul. All my life I have not lifted my head from my hangover. I still cannot find a replacement for you in my heart! Hey, light in my eyes, where are you now?

Shalk says: He that inebriates my soul without wine, where is he?

My daughter, what did they tell you that made you keep silent? What wine did they give you that you lost your consciousness?

In my imagination I hear your shining voice.

  You say, banish the thought of me from your head, O beloved mother!

And I answer, “My head is empty of the thought of you, but what shall I do with my heart?”

I weep before thy portrait, I speak with a lighted candle…

Hey, tear, slow down, for the pain is great!

Hey, candle, burn slower, for Molavi’s evening is long!

Hafez says: In the circle of destiny, the situation is this: the destruction of Heaven comes from your wickedness. Tyranny is your long-lasting method!

Hayyam says: Hey, earth, if I break your chest, too many pearls will be seen lying there…

My dear Sharare!

I love you like a picture of the sea, like a bouquet of fragrant flowers! 

I’m a fish going ashore. I love you like sea water 

Smile, hey, blooming flower of being! I love you and only you!

Mohammed Sadachi says: One snowy, wintry day I went to my child’s grave. Suddenly I got dizzy, hit the tombstone and drew blood, so with a bloody head I went home. A poor woman stood under the stairs, saying blessings – begging. I approached her. She asked me why my head was bloody. I told her it would have been better if my head was underground and my heart wasn’t hurting. The Lord took my daughter to Himself. If at my request you can see her for a minute, I will stand in your place and give you all I have. The woman asked me if I had another child? I told her I have a son; she said, “Live for him.” Your daughter was very good, but if she sees your condition and your pain, she will be bitter and saddened! 

I know – every day thousands of young people die in the world on different occasions. I understand the pain of their mothers! However, my reason does not rule my heart.  I am reminded of the verse of the poet Parvin Etesami: The rules of the world are: who comes will go! When he leaves, he leaves his good name…! 

Then we should imitate this verse:

Where judgment is given, the result is humility!

From the notes of Sharare’s father

These lines I write today, Wednesday, September 29, 1999, are the most tragic, dramatic, painful and sad days of our lives. Moreover, they happen in our adult years and will accompany us until our last days.

Our daughter, Sharare, two days before September 29, was in a hospital in Hamburg, Germany, far away from all of us and in serious condition. Full of sadness and grief, she leaves this world.

Born on 30 May 1956, in September 1975 she went to London in the UK to study. On 18 August 1979, she married a young Englishman from London, a colleague of hers from the University of Architecture. In 1984, their marriage failed to last and turned into a long, pure, cordial and friendly friendship. From 1995 to 1999, our daughter lived most of the time in Bulgaria and went periodically to England.

On 31 August 1999, at 3.30 pm, despite our disagreement, she took a plane to Hamburg to study at the College of Fine Arts, where she had enrolled.

On Tuesday 27 September 1999, at 12.00 noon, the College faculty informed us of her death in hospital. Apparently she was admitted to hospital on 24 September and died before 12 noon on 27 September.

Sharare was like the flames of a fire. In her short life she wanted to fly higher and higher to reach the high mountains of knowledge. She was an eagle who, once she reached the top of the mountain, the distant peaks drew her to them.  Finally , she was burned by the flames of the sun, merging with eternity…. but shining down upon us from the firmament!

Photo: (source: Pixabay, CC0)

Read in Romanian language!

Read in Bulgarian language!

Read in Persian language!

Follow the channel of the blog “The Persian Bridge of Friendship in YouTube! The blog can also be followed in Facebook and Twitter. You can also joint the Telegram channel of the blog.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s